Txt Joke 56

Fanny: Bakit mo hinalikan siya e tomboy un.
Guy: Para maging tunay na babae.
Fanny: Halikan mo kaya ako Fafa!
Guy: Para maging tunay na bangkay?

Txt Joke 55

Anak: Sino yung nagbigay ng videoke noong Pasko?
Itay: Di si Santa Claus!
Anak: Siya yung pumapasok sa bahay pag gabi?
Itay: Oo.Anak: Bakit niya binawi kagabi?

Txt Joke 54

Q: Who were the first feminists?
A: Nuns. They were the first to prove that they could livewithout the men.

Txt Joke 53

If you want to remember something...tie a string around your finger.
If you want to forget something...
TIE A ROPE AROUND YOUR NECK!

Txt Joke 52

Guy 1: I thing my wife is unfaithful. She says in her dreams "NoLeonardo, no'!
Guy 2: What's the problem? She resist, doesn't she?

Txt Joke 51

Aspect... pantusok ng yelo
Deduct... ang itik
Defeat... ang paa
Defense... ang bakuran
Deflate... ang plato
Deletion... Aling Mila!
Depress... Si father
Detail... ang buntot
Devastation... istasyon ng bus
Persuading... unang kasal

Txtjokes 50

Pari sa presong nakaupo sa silya-elektrika: Mayroon ka bangnais hilingin bago ka bawian ng buhay?
Preso: Opo, hawakan nyo po ang aking kamay habang ako aybinabawian ng buhay.

Txt joke 49

Intruducing the New Signatures...
CK Cubao Kamison
YSL Yari Sa Laoag
GQ Galing Quiapo
DKNY Diretcho Kanto Nasa Ybabaw
RL Rizal sa Luneta
UCB Uuh! Cacaibang Bra!
D&G Divisoria Ang Gawa

Txt Jokes 48

Derma: Miss may good news ako sa iyo!
Hindi na kayotutubuan ng tigyawat.
Ms: True, Doc?
Derma: Yes, dahil wala ng space.

Txtjoke 47

Tanga salesman punta sa barrio benta vacuum cleaner.
Nag-demonagtapon ng dumi sa sahig.
Nagsalita si manang: Linisin mo yan!Wala kaming kuryente dito!

Txtjokes 46

Mrs: I want a tooth pulled. No need for painkiller.
Dentist: How brave! Which tooth is it?
Mrs (looking at husband): Open your mouth, dear!

Txt Jokes 45

At the moviehouse...
She: John, dear, I wouldn't let anyone else kiss melike this.
He: Sorry po, my name's not John.

Txt joke 44

Guy kissed girl: That was indeed a triumph of mind overmatter.
Girl: Yeah, I didn't mind, because you don't matter.

Txt Jokes 43

She: Now that we're engaged dear, you'll give me a ring,won't you?
He: Sure, darling. What's your cell number?

Txt Joke 42

Teacher: There will be only half day of school this morning.
Pupils: Alright!!!
Teacher: Quiet! We'll have the other half this afternoon.

Txt Jokes 41

Daughter: Jack makes me feel tired.
Mother: It's your own fault, darling. You should stop chasing after him!

txt Jokes 40

Daughter: What kind of husband should I get?
Mother: Get a single man! Leave the husbands alone!

Txt Jokes 39

Dad: Did you use the car last night?
Son: Yes, Dad, I drove some of the boys around.
Dad: Really? Well, tell them i found two of their lipsticks.

Txtjokes 38

Policeman: "Miss, You were doing sixty miles per hour!"
She: "Oh, isn't that wonderful? I only learned to drive yesterday!"

Txt Jokes 37

Dad after picking up phone: This is the third time your girlfriendhas called this evening.
Son: And you say I don't communicate well!

txt jokes 36

Host: What is your opinion about divorce, more or less?
Beauty Contestant: Ahh, um, more?

Txt Joke 35

Host: What is your favorite feature?
Beauty Contestant: Actually I have lots of features. butmy favorite feature is my graduating feature.

Txt jokes 34

Mother: Why are you home from school so early?
Son: I was the only one who could answer a question.
Mother: What was the question?
Son: Who threw the eraser at the principal?

Txt jokes 33

Susie (crying): Mommy, Amy put this frog on my bed!
Mom: Amy! Why did you do that?Amy: I couldn't find a snake.

Txtjokes 32

Mother: Why are you holding up that slice of bread?
Son:I'd like to propose a toast!

Txt Jokes 31

Grabe, I had a terrible dream last night!
I dreamed I was enjoying my sleep when your text message interrupted my sleep.

Txt Jokes 30

Grabe, I had a terrible dream last night!
I dreamed I was awakeall night!

Txt Joke 29

Suitor to Librarian: Will you marry me?
Librarian: Ssssshhhhh!!!

Txt Jokes 28

Father: My daughter must be home by midnight.
Suitor: Bakit, magiging kalabasa ba siya?

Txt Joke 27

Tulungan mo naman ako, dehins ang parents ko sa itsura ng bf ko.Sabi nila,
"You can marry him if you want, but he has to wear a veil too."

Txt Joke 26

Overheard at DLSU: This oil price hike is starting to get into mynerves!
I cant even get my lighter at full tank!

Txt Joke 25

Seen at a seafood restaurant in Cebu:Pulis customer: Meron ba kayo bariles?
Waitress: Ser, Dis is not niteclub wid loose firearms.

Txt Joke 24

QUICK' N EASY NO HASSLE AM EXERCISE
Up! Down! Up! Down! Now the other eyelid!

Txt Jokes 23

what is the difference between a running girl and a running dog?
One wears a skirt-the oder pants.

Txt Joke 22

What did the McDo cook give his girlfriend when they became
engaged?
A 14-carat onion ring.

txt Jokes 20

A teacher, annoyed with his clock watching students, covered theclock with cardboard on which he wrote: "Time will pass, willyou?"

Txt Jokes 21

A teacher, annoyed with his clock watching students, covered theclock with cardboard on which he wrote: "Time will pass, willyou?"

Txt Joke 19

Pulis: It's Against the law to drive without license.
Driver: Then arrest the judge, he's the one who took it awayfrom me.

Txt Jokes 18

Q: Ano ang double parking?
A: Parking on top of another car.

Txt Joke 17

Were in Mactan right now. pollution here is so bad that when weordered freshly-caught tunaat the seaside resto they asked if we wanted reular or unleaded.

txt Jokes 17

Were in Mactan right now. pollution here is so bad that when weordered freshly-caught tunaat the seaside resto they asked if we wanted reular or unleaded.

Txt Jokes 17

Were in Mactan right now. pollution here is so bad that when weordered freshly-caught tunaat the seaside resto they asked if we wanted reular or unleaded.

Diether Txt Joke

Diether: Wanna see my tattoo of my new girlfriend's name?
There was an earthquake while i have it done, so it's on my chest, back and left leg.

Txt Jokes 16

Congratulate me! I Finally learned to tiw my own shoes!
Arekup!Ang ilong ko! Ay grabe, tinali ko pareho yung isang sintas!

Txt jokes 16

Congratulate me! I Finally learned to tiw my own shoes!
Arekup!Ang ilong ko! Ay grabe, tinali ko pareho yung isang sintas!

Txt Jokes 15

Visitor: Are your parents in?
Child: They was in but they is out.
Visitor: Where's your grammar?
Child: She's sleeping.

Txt Jokes 14

A baby was yelling loudly at Mass so Mommy got up to take him out.
The priest protested "Lady, that baby's not bothering me!" She shouted back,
"You're bothering him!"

Txt Jokes 13

Eve: Adam, are you seeing another woman?
Adam: Hello! Ano ba sa tingin mo?
Puro ribs lang ba ako?

Txt Jokes 12

I bought my love a super new high-powered hair dryer from Mark & Spencer.
She dried her hair in ten seconds, but now her eyebrows are missing.

Txt Jokes 11

Masarap magluto ang lover ko
Binigyan niya ang tira sa aso
Tapos binigay ng aso ang tira sa pusa.
Tapos binigay ng pusa ang tira sa daga.
Tapos namatay ang daga.

Txt Jokes 10

Introducing the new Colgate Mighty Meaty Eaty Minty Flavor. . .
It has built-in food particles for those who can't eat in betweenevery brushing!

Txtjokes 8

Help me! Punta ka dito sa bahay! bilis! i just wore my turtlenecksweather, and when i lied on my back i found out i couldn't rollover! Huwag ka mag-txt!

Txt Jokes 9

Please Recite:My favorite of all days
Are Saturday and Sunday
If Only these good days Weren't followed by Monday

Txt Jokes 7

How do baby chickens dance?
Chick to chick, naturaly."

txt Jokes 6

Girl: Why is your shirt so wet? Nakakahiya sa party!
Guy: Well, the label inside says 'wash and wear."

Txt jokes 1

Gago1: Ang misis ko ang sarap humalik!
Gago2: Alam ko, kasi nahalikan ko na rin!

Lucio Tan Txt Jokes 1

PSSST, HOLLYWOOD SECRET! Did you know that Titanic wasshot in Lucio Tan's swimming pool?

Lucio Tan Txtjokes 1

Lucion Tan reported to the police that his Volvo had gone out of control and smashed half a dozen cars before it could be stopped...inside his garage.

Lucio Tan Txt Jokes

Lucio Tan caught his 7-years old son lighting a cigarette with a1,000 bill.
Lucio: How many times have i told you you're tooyoung to smoke!

Celebrity Txt Jokes

Ogie: Pasko na sinta ko
Michelle: wow how sweet!
Ogie: Say something matching, dear!
Michelle: Sure...pasko na sinto-sinto!

Txtjokes

Lucy: Richard, throw those piranhas away! Its bawal!
Richard: Relax, it's the in thing right now. besides, I can defrost if for dinner with jomari tonight.

Celebrity Jokes

Joey: Dear, ok ang french fries mo ang ganda ng pagka-cut.anong ginamit mo?
Alma: Ung pustiso mo, Dear.

Txt Jokes

Piolo: Juday, punta tayo Manila zoo!
Juday: Huwag meron dun monkey-eating eagle! baka kainin ka!

Celebrity Jokes

Joey: Ang hirap ng may sipon, hindi ako makaamoy.
Alma: ako nalang aamoy, babes.
Joey: Eto pamunas. Di ko malaman kung jingle ng aso oh pusa.

Txt Jokes

Judge: Order! order in the court!
Alma: I'll have two spaghetti for me and vandolph. Tamang tama gutom na kami.

Erap and gloria Txt Jokes

Erap and Gloria hold a debate.
Gloria: what about the powerful interests that control you, ha?
Erap: You leave Laarni and Ara and my other wives out of this!

Txt Jokes

Erap: What is the caapital of the Philippines
JUDE: Manila, syempre! E ano ang capital of Manila?
ERAP: Di capital M, syempre!
You can always tell an egotist, but unfortunately you can't tell him much.

Erap Txt Jokes

Which profession is the oldest?
Sergeon: Eve was made from Adam's rib!
Engineer: The Earth was created in 6 days out of chaos!
Erap: Who created chaos?

Txt Jokes

Erap writes new dictionary.
Masculine pronouns: HE, HIS & HIM
Feminine promouns: SHE, SHIS, SHIM

Erap Txt Jokes

Zamora: Mr. Prasident our population growth is alamrming!
There is 1 woman giving birth every minute!
Erap: We have to stop this, look for that woman!