Totoy Txt Joke

Totoy goes to Manila and sees old lady enter elevator. A minute
later sexy woman steps out. Totoy cries: “Sayang, dapat dinala ko”
panget kong gerlrpen dito”

Bembol Roco SMS Txt Joke

Bembol Roco Invented a potion that would grow hair on a bald head, but he made mistake, Now his head covered with green felt!

Bembol Roco Txt Joke

Bembol Roco was getting too bald, so he injected himself withcocker spaniel hormones.

Now he’s got wavy hair, but his ears
keep flopping down his food!

Sosyalera SMS Txt Joke

Bagong yaman sosyalera to guests: In da house, we call everybodyby their names
(calls for servant) Mary…mary…Mary? Hoy, Maria!

(Voice from kitchen) Po?

Joey and Goma SMS Txt Joke

Joey: Get one tabako, nanganak ulit si Alma ko!
Goma: Lalake oh babae?
Joey: Bahala ka, pare-pareho ang tingin ko sa tabako eh!

Vandolph Txt Joke

Teacher: what is cannibal?
Vandolph: i dont know.
Teacher: Well, if you ate your father and mother, what would you be?
Vandolph: e di ulila!

Vandolph SMS Txt Joke

Teacher pointing to deer at zoo: Vandolph what’s that?
Vandolph: ewan ko.
Teacher: what does your mom call your dad?
Vandolph: tarantado tawag dyan?

Rosalinda Txt Joke

Konduktor: San kayo, Mam?
Rosalinda: Alabang, Senor.
Konduktor: Sorry Mam, sa kabila ang biyahe.
Rosalinda: Gracias, Senor!
Lumipat sa kabilang upuan si gaga.

Fernando Jose Txt Joke

Fernando Jose: Nakakalimutan ko ang lahat pag kasama kita.
Rosalinda: Bakit wala akong regalo sa b-day ko?
Fernando Jose: Nakakalimutan nga lahat eh!

Erap SMS TxtJoke

Jude: Dad, ok ba kung may itatanan ako?
Erap: Ok lang, ang lalake ay dapat lumagay sa tahimik.
Jude: Dad pano kung lalake ang itatanan ko?

Erap Txtjoke

Erap in College worked so hard he stayed up all night studying fora blood test.

Plantsa Txt Joke

Doc: What happened to your ears?
Erap: When the phone ring, I picked up the plantsa.
Doc: why both ears?
Erap: Gago siya! Tumawag ulit!

Erap SMS Txt Joke

Erap gifts Loi with tupperware. Jude in one of his crazy momentssmashes it.
Erap sees Loi cry, so Erap calls for help: Hello, plasticsergeon ba ito?

Erap Txt Joke

Teacher: what is the formula f water?
Student Erap: HIJKLMNO
Teacher: Male!
Erap: Anong Male? Diba H to O?

Free Txt SMS Twister

Say this sharply
Say this sweetly
Say this shortly
Say this softly
Say this sixteen times swiftly!

Six Senior Txt SMS Tongue Twister

I see sixty-six senior citizen sitting on six-six-by-sicx seatx for the
sickly.

Mumbling Bumblings Tongue Twister

Mumbling bumblings
Bumbling mumblings.

Meeny Txt Twister

Meeny, Mooney, mennie And Mo
meandered on meadows as the wind did blow
They wandered and wondered and wanted to know whether
the weather would turn to snow

Laila Lee Txt SMS Tongue Twister

Laila Lee listens to lessons
As laila Lee listen to lessons
She listed eleven lessons
On how to listen to lesson.

Kimbo Kemble Txt Tongue Twister

Kimbo kemble kicked his kinsman's kettle.
Did Kimbo Kemble kick his kinsman's kettle?
If Kimbo Kemble kicked his kinsman's kettle.
Where's the kinsman's kettle?

Looking Back SMS Txt Twister

I was looking back to see if she was looking back to see if i was
looking back to see if she was looking back at me.

Fraction SMS Twister

The fracture was caused by the friction of the faction on the function
of the fraction.

The auditor's Txt Twister

The auditor's auditor
Audits the auditors who
Audited another auditor.

SMS Tongue Twister

have you go to the knack of the new knapsack strap, Nap?

Harry Txt SMS Tongue Twister

Harry unt hunts heavy hairy hares
Des harry Hunt heavy hairy hares?
If Harry Hunt hunts heavy hairy hares
where are the heavy hair hares harry Hunt hunts?

Fanny Finch SMS Tongue Twister

Fanny Finch fried five fat fish for Francis franny's fathers female
friends.

Ching's Tongue Twister

Ching's twins sisters sing tongue twisters
As Chings twin sister sings tongue twisters
Her tongue got twisted!

Bewithchery Tongue Twister

Beware the bewithchery of
the bewitching bewitchment
The bewithches and bewilders
Beyond bewilderment.

Betty Tongue Twister

Betty bought a bit of butter
But she found a butter bitter
So she bought a bit of better butte
To make the bitter butter better.

Black Book Tongue Twister

Blame the big bleak black book.

Big Bert Tongue Twister

Big Bert brought bought bricks.

Teenage Txt Jokes

Old age: you believe everything
Middle age: you suspect everything
Teenage: you know everything!

Century Txt Joke

20th century: air clean sex dirty.
21st century: air dirty, sex clean.

Progressing Txt Joke

We do more talking progress that we do progressing.

Answering Machine Txt Joke

heard on an answering machine: I'm home right now but i dont
feel like talking to you. leave a message and I'll call when you
don't feel like talking to me. . .

Answering Machines Txt Joke

Man, i hate those stupid answering machines! They tell you in a
30-second prerecorded speech that i have 10 seconds to talk and i
hear beep in 4 seconds.

Coffee Txt Joke

Have a good cup of coffee before getting down to the office for
serious work a good 8-hours cup of coffee.

Sleep Txt Joke

The perfect 24 hours day of office people:
8 hours for sleep
8 hours for work and
8 hours to complain abount too much work and not enough
sleep.

Stress Txt Joke

Here's a good formula to keep down the office stress: Sleep 8
hours a day and work 8 hours a day--the same 8 hours.

Business Txt Joke

Start a business teaching people how to successful. You need
the money to be successful, too, right?

Very Successful Txt Joke

CONGRATS! You're NOT a failure! you're just very successful
in NOT getting what you want!

Success Txt Joke

There's no such thing as a secret of success. Did you ever know a
successful man who didn't tell you all about it?

PG Txt Joke

PG before: parents should watch with youngsters so parents can
explain some scense.
PG now: Parent should wtach with youngsters so youngsters
can explain all scense!

GOOD BOOKS Txt Joke

GOOD BOOKS TO BY
On Levitation - you can never put it down.
On memory improvement - it's titled, ahh...

Happiness Txt Joke

Some people bring happiness WHEREVER they go,
You bring happiness WHENEVER you go! Alis ka na nga!

Husband and Wife Txt Joke

Husband: a man who has lost his liberty in the pursuit of happiness.
Wife: A woman who has lost her happiness in the pursuit ofliberty.

Age Txt Joke

Age is only stage of mind--that's if you have one left.

Old Txt Joke

Remember, you're as young as you feel. If you dont feel
anything, you're old.

Old Age Txt Joke

One nice thing about old age--you can whistle while brushing
your teeth.

Ugly Txt Joke

Can you beat my friend? He was so ugly when he was born,
the doctor slapped his mother.

Underarm Txt Joke

Sa sobrang init ngayon, pati yung mga damit ko sa closet,
nagkaroon ng underarm stains...yukkk!!!

Gossip Txt Joke

GOSSIP: When you hear something you like about something you
don't.

Mayor's Txt Joke

Malapit na ang elections. Does the sign to your mayor's office say
GO DOWN THIS CORRIDOR AND UNDER THE TABLE?
Does his door have an opening for night deposits?

Brilliant Txt Joke

BRILLIANT ka ba? It's when you know which half to believe.

Smart Txt Joke

SMART ka ba? That's is when you believe in only
half of what you hear.

Shoes Txt Joke

Youre REALLY dumb when...you loose your shoes because you
put them in the wrong feet, and you can't remember whose feet
you put them on.

Txt Quote

Sleep tight, so you'll be refreshed, rejuvenated and revitalized...
for another good night's sleep tomorrow. Good Pm!

Marriage Txt Joke

Falling in love is like buying a new car. Marriage is the first scratch.

Snakfast Txt Joke

If a meal between breakfast and lunch is brunch, then what is a meal
at round 3AM? A midnight sneakfast?

Coffee Txt Joke

Do your eyes hurt after you dring coffee in the morning?
then takethe spoon out of the cup, bobo!

Aso Txt Joke

Okey talaga ang aso ko! He is so smart that when you went to obedience school,
I was the one on the leash.

Smoker Txt Joke

Are you a heavy smoker? Then smoke in moderation--one cigaretteat a
time, okay?

Thin Txt Joke

HOW TO LOOK THIN hang out with fat people.
eat onion and garlic--people will avoid you so you look thinner from afar.
Be a light eater--eat as soon as it's light.

Doctor Txt Joke

If you want to know the positive results of all your visits to your doctor,
then go visits his garage.

Health Txt Joke

If you've got your health, you've got everything.
And if you dontn have your health, sooner or later your
doctor has everything!

stupid Txt Joke

It's better to be heathly than wise. if you're sick,
it costs you money, but if your stupid it's all free.

Young Txt Joke

Secret of staying young: live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about
your age.

Cool Txtjoke

When i tell a lie my palms get sweaty.
When i tell the truth..are your palms getting sweaty?

Book TxtJoke

Hey i just wrote a book, please look for it at National! Look for
the title THE TEN GREATEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD AND MY VIEWS
ON THE OTHER NINE.

Egoist's Txt Joke

The Egoist's way os spelling his or her name: capitalizes the first
two letters.

Egoist's Txtjoke

The Egoist's prayer: Dear God, do you need anyting?

Cole's Law Txt Joke

Cole's Law---thinly sliced cabbage.

Teacher Txt Joke

If at first you don't succeed, blame it on the teacher.

Wood Txt Joke

The two kind of wood that make a match: He would and
she would."

Family Joke

The family thats prays together...siguro may namatayan sa kanila.

Family Txt Joke

The family that eats together...gets fat!

Elepant Txt Joke

They say an elepant never forgets, but what's he got to
remember?

College Txt Joke

College: Where nonconformists conform to the prevailing
standard of nonconformity.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY Txt Joke

THOUGHT FOR TODAY: Always borrow money from a
pessimist. He never expects to be repaid.

Mabaho Txt Joke

Pray that GOD gives you
a mind free from worry
a heart free from sadness
a soul free from sin
and a body free from
unwanted odor
NALIGO KA NA BA?

Pizza Txt Joke

You are in trouble with your wieght when you put a couple of
lettuce leaves over a pizza and call it salad.

Txt Joke

To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.

Ignorance Txt Joke

If you think education is expensive--try ignorance.

Judge Txt Joke

Appearing in traffic court is not fun, but the judge always has
a fine time.

Student Driver Txt Joke

A twelve-car pile up means a student driver signaled for a lefthand
turn and eleven people believed him.

Teacher Txt Joke

Road sign by school: Go slow--dont kill a child
Scribbling below: Wait for a teacher

Txt Joke 75

COMMITTEE: Group of people who individually do nothingand collectively
decide nothing can be done.

Txt Joke 74

MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE: I may not know all your worries andfears but if you need help...INUMAN TAYO, TXT MO LANG AKO!

Txt Joke 73

MONEYMOON: The brief period between I DO and YOU'D BETTER.

Txt Joke 72

Wedding Ring: Tourniquet worn on the finger to stopcirculation.

Txt Joke 71

If you want to find a new way to save money--use your partner's.

Txt Joke 70

Beauty is only skin deep, But ugly goes all da way to the bones!

Txt Joke 69

Are you as ugly as my friend? He was so ulgly his
mother used to diaper his face!

Txt Joke 68

The three types of clothes to wear at the weekend party:
FORMAL, SEMIFORMAL and SWEAT.

Txt Joke 67

URGENT MESSAGE: One out of every three people is mentallyretarded.
Now if you're two good friends are okay...

Txt Joke 66

You can always tell an egotist, but unfortunately you can't tell him
much.

Txt Quote 2

To my problematic friend: laughter is the best medicine,
so...ay,teka might get sued for practicing without a license!

Txt Quote 1

Always try to keep a smile on your face...because it look silly on the parts of your body.

Dirty Txt Joke 15

Guy 1: Ang haba ng hair ng gf ko kaya long sleeves ang suotniya.
Guy 2: Wala naman epek yun ah.
Guy 1: anong wala? ang haba na nga ng buhok niya sa kili-kili!

Dirty Txt Joke 14

Doc: Hubad na, dont be afraid, i wont take advantage.
Girl: Where do i put my panty?
Doc: Diyan sa tabi ng brief ko.

Dirty Txt Joke 13

My sex maniac boss has three sex-retaries.
He always does it tothem in the office.
Q: Hows that?
A: He gives two of them day-off everyday.

Txt Jokes

7C's of an ideal BF:

1. Car
2. Credit card
3. Country club shares
4. Celfone
5. Cash
6. Company ownership
7. Condom size!

Dirty Joke 12

What has 100 Teeth and eats manhood? Zipper

Dirty Joke 11

What's long, hard and has lots of seamen?
SubmarineWhat's hairy, has to be cracked open and is juicy inside?
Rambutan

Txt Joke

Nagkita - Engagement ring
Nagtabi - Wedding ring
Nabuking - Suffering

Dirty Txt Joke 10

Anak: I had my first sex with my teacher.
Dad: Lalaki ka na! Lets drink to it!
Anak: Pahinga muna., Dad. Sakit ng puwit ko.

Txt Joke 65

Bisexual at 40... buys sex nalang
Oral sex at 50... puro kwento na lang
Anal sex at 60... Puro analyze na lang!

Txt Joke 64

Because of SEX I made a lot of new friends. I learned to stay up
all night in various positions, lying, sitting, standing,
leaning... OOPS! Did I say SEX?? Sorry I meant TEXT!

Txt Joke 63

Judge: Theres a lot of evidence against you, Miss Lewinsky.
Monica: How could that be when I swallowed all the evidence?

Txt Joke 62

A guy wrote a sex therapist about his first sexual experience:
"There was screaming, yelling, moaning and screeching. I really enjoyed it all alone."

Txt Joke 61

3 nuns were talking about fruits. Nuna 1 talked about the big Davao pomelos.
Nun 2 talked about the long Davao bananas.
Nun 3, a little deaf: "Father who?"

Dirty Txt Joke 9

Some signs on my gf's panty recently:
1. Men Working
2. Slippery when Wet
3. Deep Excavation
4. One Way

Dirty Txt Joke 8

Can success go to your head? No, but it can go high enough to
reach your mouth and penetrate your head!

Dirty Joke

What's similar between sperm and mayonnaise?
Both come from the eggs and both are Ladies Choice!

Txt Joke 60

I asked a sexy girl last night for her cell number. She slapped me
and said, "You jerk! What do you think of me, neighbors with
Jalosjos and Rolito Go?"

Txt Joke 59

Questioner: What's the difference between a dick and a kamote?
Assumptionista: Yuck! I don't eat kamote!

Dirty Txt Joke 7

May pulubing kumakain ng kanin at asin sa MRT nang kinagat
ngisang langgaw ang bayag niya.
"Ako asin lang, tapos ikaw itlogpa!" sabay tadyak ng pulubi.

Dirty Txt Joke 6

Patient: I dreamed I was down EDSA naked.
Psychiatrist: And you were embarrassed?
Patient: Yes, I didn't shave my pubic hair yet.

Dirty Txt Joke 5

Doctor: Lola, kelan ho kayo huling nag-sex?
Lola: Parang 1845Doctor: ANO?!?!
Lola: Oo, 20:45 na ngayon, mga dalawang oras palang.

Txt Joke 58

Doc: Mag-drawing ka ng normal male sex organ.
Nurse: Eto po, doc.
Doc: (Nakita na erect) sabi ko na normal lang.
Nurse: E yan naman ang palagi kong nakikita!

Txt Jokes 57

Chekwa: I have 4 wives + 1 and I have a PBA team.
Kano: I have 9 wives + 1 and I have an NBA team.
Pinoy: I have 17 wives + 1 and I have an 18-hole golf course.

Txt Joke

U BRING OUT THE WORST IN ME...like my ebak!
U MAKE ME FEEL ITS X-MAS...like my jingle!
U R SO EASY TO COME OUT...like my tuchang!
I CANT SMILE WITHOUT YOU...like my pustiso!
U R SO HARD TO GET...like my kulangot!
CANT GET U OUTTA MY HEAD...like my kuto!

Dirty Txt Joke 4

Selosa Misis disguises as prosti to fool husband. Husband sees her at
street: Yuk, ang panget mo! Kamuka mo misis ko!"

Dirty Txt Joke 3

Fafa goes to confisyonal to confiss sin.
Cute and handsome FADIR is assigned to confisyonal.
Now Fafa goes to confisyonal to commit sin!

Dirty Txt Joke 2

LOVE is an intention
That goes with affection
With the intent of injection
Done in the midsectionIn the preferred position
During a private session.

Dirty Txt Joke 1

What is the tagalog word for SEX?
Clue: starts with K...Diba?
Anwswer: KASARIAN!...Oh anong iniisip mo?

Celebrity Txtjoke 5

Doc: I Need your semen, urine and stool samples.
Joey: Nagmamadali kasi ako eh, iiwan ko na lang ang brief ko.

Celebrity Txt Joke 4

Joey: Last month sinama ko ang GF ko sa bahay ng lolo kong milyonaryo para magkakilala sila.
Anjo: What happend?
Joey: Lola ko na siya ngayon!

Celebrity Txt Joke 3

Eric: May tsismis na may bading dito sa studio natin.
Franco: Wow sino?
Eric: Sikreto lang pero...kiss muna.

Celebrity Txt Joke 2

Ara couldn't lift her leg while boarding the MRT, so she unzippedher skirt.
A man behind suddenly helps her.
Ara: Hoy!"
Man: 'Well, why did you unzip me?

Celebrity Txtjoke 1

Goma: I saw you and Alma making love last night sa bahay.
Joey: Imposible, pare!
Goma: Bakit?
Joey: Nasa ibang bahay ako!

Txt Joke 56

Fanny: Bakit mo hinalikan siya e tomboy un.
Guy: Para maging tunay na babae.
Fanny: Halikan mo kaya ako Fafa!
Guy: Para maging tunay na bangkay?

Txt Joke 55

Anak: Sino yung nagbigay ng videoke noong Pasko?
Itay: Di si Santa Claus!
Anak: Siya yung pumapasok sa bahay pag gabi?
Itay: Oo.Anak: Bakit niya binawi kagabi?

Txt Joke 54

Q: Who were the first feminists?
A: Nuns. They were the first to prove that they could livewithout the men.

Txt Joke 53

If you want to remember something...tie a string around your finger.
If you want to forget something...
TIE A ROPE AROUND YOUR NECK!

Txt Joke 52

Guy 1: I thing my wife is unfaithful. She says in her dreams "NoLeonardo, no'!
Guy 2: What's the problem? She resist, doesn't she?

Txt Joke 51

Aspect... pantusok ng yelo
Deduct... ang itik
Defeat... ang paa
Defense... ang bakuran
Deflate... ang plato
Deletion... Aling Mila!
Depress... Si father
Detail... ang buntot
Devastation... istasyon ng bus
Persuading... unang kasal

Txtjokes 50

Pari sa presong nakaupo sa silya-elektrika: Mayroon ka bangnais hilingin bago ka bawian ng buhay?
Preso: Opo, hawakan nyo po ang aking kamay habang ako aybinabawian ng buhay.

Txt joke 49

Intruducing the New Signatures...
CK Cubao Kamison
YSL Yari Sa Laoag
GQ Galing Quiapo
DKNY Diretcho Kanto Nasa Ybabaw
RL Rizal sa Luneta
UCB Uuh! Cacaibang Bra!
D&G Divisoria Ang Gawa

Txt Jokes 48

Derma: Miss may good news ako sa iyo!
Hindi na kayotutubuan ng tigyawat.
Ms: True, Doc?
Derma: Yes, dahil wala ng space.

Txtjoke 47

Tanga salesman punta sa barrio benta vacuum cleaner.
Nag-demonagtapon ng dumi sa sahig.
Nagsalita si manang: Linisin mo yan!Wala kaming kuryente dito!

Txtjokes 46

Mrs: I want a tooth pulled. No need for painkiller.
Dentist: How brave! Which tooth is it?
Mrs (looking at husband): Open your mouth, dear!

Txt Jokes 45

At the moviehouse...
She: John, dear, I wouldn't let anyone else kiss melike this.
He: Sorry po, my name's not John.

Txt joke 44

Guy kissed girl: That was indeed a triumph of mind overmatter.
Girl: Yeah, I didn't mind, because you don't matter.

Txt Jokes 43

She: Now that we're engaged dear, you'll give me a ring,won't you?
He: Sure, darling. What's your cell number?

Txt Joke 42

Teacher: There will be only half day of school this morning.
Pupils: Alright!!!
Teacher: Quiet! We'll have the other half this afternoon.

Txt Jokes 41

Daughter: Jack makes me feel tired.
Mother: It's your own fault, darling. You should stop chasing after him!

txt Jokes 40

Daughter: What kind of husband should I get?
Mother: Get a single man! Leave the husbands alone!

Txt Jokes 39

Dad: Did you use the car last night?
Son: Yes, Dad, I drove some of the boys around.
Dad: Really? Well, tell them i found two of their lipsticks.

Txtjokes 38

Policeman: "Miss, You were doing sixty miles per hour!"
She: "Oh, isn't that wonderful? I only learned to drive yesterday!"

Txt Jokes 37

Dad after picking up phone: This is the third time your girlfriendhas called this evening.
Son: And you say I don't communicate well!

txt jokes 36

Host: What is your opinion about divorce, more or less?
Beauty Contestant: Ahh, um, more?

Txt Joke 35

Host: What is your favorite feature?
Beauty Contestant: Actually I have lots of features. butmy favorite feature is my graduating feature.

Txt jokes 34

Mother: Why are you home from school so early?
Son: I was the only one who could answer a question.
Mother: What was the question?
Son: Who threw the eraser at the principal?

Txt jokes 33

Susie (crying): Mommy, Amy put this frog on my bed!
Mom: Amy! Why did you do that?Amy: I couldn't find a snake.

Txtjokes 32

Mother: Why are you holding up that slice of bread?
Son:I'd like to propose a toast!

Txt Jokes 31

Grabe, I had a terrible dream last night!
I dreamed I was enjoying my sleep when your text message interrupted my sleep.

Txt Jokes 30

Grabe, I had a terrible dream last night!
I dreamed I was awakeall night!

Txt Joke 29

Suitor to Librarian: Will you marry me?
Librarian: Ssssshhhhh!!!

Txt Jokes 28

Father: My daughter must be home by midnight.
Suitor: Bakit, magiging kalabasa ba siya?

Txt Joke 27

Tulungan mo naman ako, dehins ang parents ko sa itsura ng bf ko.Sabi nila,
"You can marry him if you want, but he has to wear a veil too."

Txt Joke 26

Overheard at DLSU: This oil price hike is starting to get into mynerves!
I cant even get my lighter at full tank!

Txt Joke 25

Seen at a seafood restaurant in Cebu:Pulis customer: Meron ba kayo bariles?
Waitress: Ser, Dis is not niteclub wid loose firearms.

Txt Joke 24

QUICK' N EASY NO HASSLE AM EXERCISE
Up! Down! Up! Down! Now the other eyelid!

Txt Jokes 23

what is the difference between a running girl and a running dog?
One wears a skirt-the oder pants.

Txt Joke 22

What did the McDo cook give his girlfriend when they became
engaged?
A 14-carat onion ring.

txt Jokes 20

A teacher, annoyed with his clock watching students, covered theclock with cardboard on which he wrote: "Time will pass, willyou?"

Txt Jokes 21

A teacher, annoyed with his clock watching students, covered theclock with cardboard on which he wrote: "Time will pass, willyou?"

Txt Joke 19

Pulis: It's Against the law to drive without license.
Driver: Then arrest the judge, he's the one who took it awayfrom me.

Txt Jokes 18

Q: Ano ang double parking?
A: Parking on top of another car.

Txt Joke 17

Were in Mactan right now. pollution here is so bad that when weordered freshly-caught tunaat the seaside resto they asked if we wanted reular or unleaded.

txt Jokes 17

Were in Mactan right now. pollution here is so bad that when weordered freshly-caught tunaat the seaside resto they asked if we wanted reular or unleaded.

Txt Jokes 17

Were in Mactan right now. pollution here is so bad that when weordered freshly-caught tunaat the seaside resto they asked if we wanted reular or unleaded.

Diether Txt Joke

Diether: Wanna see my tattoo of my new girlfriend's name?
There was an earthquake while i have it done, so it's on my chest, back and left leg.

Txt Jokes 16

Congratulate me! I Finally learned to tiw my own shoes!
Arekup!Ang ilong ko! Ay grabe, tinali ko pareho yung isang sintas!

Txt jokes 16

Congratulate me! I Finally learned to tiw my own shoes!
Arekup!Ang ilong ko! Ay grabe, tinali ko pareho yung isang sintas!

Txt Jokes 15

Visitor: Are your parents in?
Child: They was in but they is out.
Visitor: Where's your grammar?
Child: She's sleeping.

Txt Jokes 14

A baby was yelling loudly at Mass so Mommy got up to take him out.
The priest protested "Lady, that baby's not bothering me!" She shouted back,
"You're bothering him!"

Txt Jokes 13

Eve: Adam, are you seeing another woman?
Adam: Hello! Ano ba sa tingin mo?
Puro ribs lang ba ako?

Txt Jokes 12

I bought my love a super new high-powered hair dryer from Mark & Spencer.
She dried her hair in ten seconds, but now her eyebrows are missing.

Txt Jokes 11

Masarap magluto ang lover ko
Binigyan niya ang tira sa aso
Tapos binigay ng aso ang tira sa pusa.
Tapos binigay ng pusa ang tira sa daga.
Tapos namatay ang daga.

Txt Jokes 10

Introducing the new Colgate Mighty Meaty Eaty Minty Flavor. . .
It has built-in food particles for those who can't eat in betweenevery brushing!

Txtjokes 8

Help me! Punta ka dito sa bahay! bilis! i just wore my turtlenecksweather, and when i lied on my back i found out i couldn't rollover! Huwag ka mag-txt!

Txt Jokes 9

Please Recite:My favorite of all days
Are Saturday and Sunday
If Only these good days Weren't followed by Monday

Txt Jokes 7

How do baby chickens dance?
Chick to chick, naturaly."

txt Jokes 6

Girl: Why is your shirt so wet? Nakakahiya sa party!
Guy: Well, the label inside says 'wash and wear."

Txt jokes 1

Gago1: Ang misis ko ang sarap humalik!
Gago2: Alam ko, kasi nahalikan ko na rin!

Lucio Tan Txt Jokes 1

PSSST, HOLLYWOOD SECRET! Did you know that Titanic wasshot in Lucio Tan's swimming pool?

Lucio Tan Txtjokes 1

Lucion Tan reported to the police that his Volvo had gone out of control and smashed half a dozen cars before it could be stopped...inside his garage.

Lucio Tan Txt Jokes

Lucio Tan caught his 7-years old son lighting a cigarette with a1,000 bill.
Lucio: How many times have i told you you're tooyoung to smoke!

Celebrity Txt Jokes

Ogie: Pasko na sinta ko
Michelle: wow how sweet!
Ogie: Say something matching, dear!
Michelle: Sure...pasko na sinto-sinto!

Txtjokes

Lucy: Richard, throw those piranhas away! Its bawal!
Richard: Relax, it's the in thing right now. besides, I can defrost if for dinner with jomari tonight.

Celebrity Jokes

Joey: Dear, ok ang french fries mo ang ganda ng pagka-cut.anong ginamit mo?
Alma: Ung pustiso mo, Dear.

Txt Jokes

Piolo: Juday, punta tayo Manila zoo!
Juday: Huwag meron dun monkey-eating eagle! baka kainin ka!

Celebrity Jokes

Joey: Ang hirap ng may sipon, hindi ako makaamoy.
Alma: ako nalang aamoy, babes.
Joey: Eto pamunas. Di ko malaman kung jingle ng aso oh pusa.

Txt Jokes

Judge: Order! order in the court!
Alma: I'll have two spaghetti for me and vandolph. Tamang tama gutom na kami.

Erap and gloria Txt Jokes

Erap and Gloria hold a debate.
Gloria: what about the powerful interests that control you, ha?
Erap: You leave Laarni and Ara and my other wives out of this!

Txt Jokes

Erap: What is the caapital of the Philippines
JUDE: Manila, syempre! E ano ang capital of Manila?
ERAP: Di capital M, syempre!
You can always tell an egotist, but unfortunately you can't tell him much.

Erap Txt Jokes

Which profession is the oldest?
Sergeon: Eve was made from Adam's rib!
Engineer: The Earth was created in 6 days out of chaos!
Erap: Who created chaos?

Txt Jokes

Erap writes new dictionary.
Masculine pronouns: HE, HIS & HIM
Feminine promouns: SHE, SHIS, SHIM

Erap Txt Jokes

Zamora: Mr. Prasident our population growth is alamrming!
There is 1 woman giving birth every minute!
Erap: We have to stop this, look for that woman!