Txt Jokes

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2010-11-30T04:07:00.001-08:00

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Celebrate Christmas 2010 with Sulit.com.ph, the leading online classified ads and buy and sell website in the Philippines.

Totoy Txt Joke

2008-10-09T19:56:00.003-07:00

Totoy goes to Manila and sees old lady enter elevator. A minute
later sexy woman steps out. Totoy cries: “Sayang, dapat dinala ko”
panget kong gerlrpen dito”

Bembol Roco SMS Txt Joke

2008-10-09T19:56:00.002-07:00

Bembol Roco Invented a potion that would grow hair on a bald head, but he made mistake, Now his head covered with green felt!

Bembol Roco Txt Joke

2008-10-09T19:56:00.001-07:00

Bembol Roco was getting too bald, so he injected himself withcocker spaniel hormones.

Now he’s got wavy hair, but his ears
keep flopping down his food!

Sosyalera SMS Txt Joke

2008-10-08T19:38:00.000-07:00

Bagong yaman sosyalera to guests: In da house, we call everybodyby their names
(calls for servant) Mary…mary…Mary? Hoy, Maria!

(Voice from kitchen) Po?

Joey and Goma SMS Txt Joke

2008-10-08T19:37:00.002-07:00

Joey: Get one tabako, nanganak ulit si Alma ko!
Goma: Lalake oh babae?
Joey: Bahala ka, pare-pareho ang tingin ko sa tabako eh!

Vandolph Txt Joke

2008-10-08T19:37:00.001-07:00

Teacher: what is cannibal?
Vandolph: i dont know.
Teacher: Well, if you ate your father and mother, what would you be?
Vandolph: e di ulila!

Vandolph SMS Txt Joke

2008-10-08T19:36:00.001-07:00

Teacher pointing to deer at zoo: Vandolph what’s that?
Vandolph: ewan ko.
Teacher: what does your mom call your dad?
Vandolph: tarantado tawag dyan?

Rosalinda Txt Joke

2008-10-08T19:34:00.000-07:00

Konduktor: San kayo, Mam?
Rosalinda: Alabang, Senor.
Konduktor: Sorry Mam, sa kabila ang biyahe.
Rosalinda: Gracias, Senor!
Lumipat sa kabilang upuan si gaga.

Fernando Jose Txt Joke

2008-10-08T02:18:00.000-07:00

Fernando Jose: Nakakalimutan ko ang lahat pag kasama kita.
Rosalinda: Bakit wala akong regalo sa b-day ko?
Fernando Jose: Nakakalimutan nga lahat eh!

Erap SMS TxtJoke

2008-10-08T02:13:00.002-07:00

Jude: Dad, ok ba kung may itatanan ako?
Erap: Ok lang, ang lalake ay dapat lumagay sa tahimik.
Jude: Dad pano kung lalake ang itatanan ko?

Erap Txtjoke

2008-10-08T02:13:00.001-07:00

Erap in College worked so hard he stayed up all night studying fora blood test.

Plantsa Txt Joke

2008-10-08T02:12:00.001-07:00

Doc: What happened to your ears?
Erap: When the phone ring, I picked up the plantsa.
Doc: why both ears?
Erap: Gago siya! Tumawag ulit!

Erap SMS Txt Joke

2008-10-08T02:11:00.000-07:00

Erap gifts Loi with tupperware. Jude in one of his crazy momentssmashes it.
Erap sees Loi cry, so Erap calls for help: Hello, plasticsergeon ba ito?

Erap Txt Joke

2008-10-08T02:09:00.000-07:00

Teacher: what is the formula f water?
Student Erap: HIJKLMNO
Teacher: Male!
Erap: Anong Male? Diba H to O?

Free Txt SMS Twister

2008-10-03T19:55:00.000-07:00

Say this sharply
Say this sweetly
Say this shortly
Say this softly
Say this sixteen times swiftly!

Six Senior Txt SMS Tongue Twister

2008-10-03T19:42:00.000-07:00

I see sixty-six senior citizen sitting on six-six-by-sicx seatx for the
sickly.

Mumbling Bumblings Tongue Twister

2008-10-01T21:48:00.001-07:00

Mumbling bumblings
Bumbling mumblings.

Meeny Txt Twister

2008-10-01T21:46:00.000-07:00

Meeny, Mooney, mennie And Mo
meandered on meadows as the wind did blow
They wandered and wondered and wanted to know whether
the weather would turn to snow

Laila Lee Txt SMS Tongue Twister

2008-10-01T21:44:00.000-07:00

Laila Lee listens to lessons
As laila Lee listen to lessons
She listed eleven lessons
On how to listen to lesson.

Kimbo Kemble Txt Tongue Twister

2008-10-01T21:43:00.000-07:00

Kimbo kemble kicked his kinsman's kettle.
Did Kimbo Kemble kick his kinsman's kettle?
If Kimbo Kemble kicked his kinsman's kettle.
Where's the kinsman's kettle?

Looking Back SMS Txt Twister

2008-10-01T21:41:00.000-07:00

I was looking back to see if she was looking back to see if i was
looking back to see if she was looking back at me.

Fraction SMS Twister

2008-09-30T23:57:00.000-07:00

The fracture was caused by the friction of the faction on the function
of the fraction.

The auditor's Txt Twister

2008-09-30T23:56:00.001-07:00

The auditor's auditor
Audits the auditors who
Audited another auditor.

SMS Tongue Twister

2008-09-30T23:55:00.001-07:00

have you go to the knack of the new knapsack strap, Nap?

Harry Txt SMS Tongue Twister

2008-09-30T23:54:00.000-07:00

Harry unt hunts heavy hairy hares
Des harry Hunt heavy hairy hares?
If Harry Hunt hunts heavy hairy hares
where are the heavy hair hares harry Hunt hunts?

Fanny Finch SMS Tongue Twister

2008-09-30T23:53:00.000-07:00

Fanny Finch fried five fat fish for Francis franny's fathers female
friends.

Ching's Tongue Twister

2008-09-29T00:27:00.001-07:00

Ching's twins sisters sing tongue twisters
As Chings twin sister sings tongue twisters
Her tongue got twisted!

Bewithchery Tongue Twister

2008-09-29T00:24:00.000-07:00

Beware the bewithchery of
the bewitching bewitchment
The bewithches and bewilders
Beyond bewilderment.

Betty Tongue Twister

2008-09-29T00:23:00.002-07:00

Betty bought a bit of butter
But she found a butter bitter
So she bought a bit of better butte
To make the bitter butter better.

Black Book Tongue Twister

2008-09-29T00:23:00.001-07:00

Blame the big bleak black book.

Big Bert Tongue Twister

2008-09-29T00:21:00.000-07:00

Big Bert brought bought bricks.

Teenage Txt Jokes

2008-09-27T01:12:00.001-07:00

Old age: you believe everything
Middle age: you suspect everything
Teenage: you know everything!

Century Txt Joke

2008-09-27T01:11:00.001-07:00

20th century: air clean sex dirty.
21st century: air dirty, sex clean.

Progressing Txt Joke

2008-09-27T01:10:00.000-07:00

We do more talking progress that we do progressing.

Answering Machine Txt Joke

2008-09-27T01:07:00.000-07:00

heard on an answering machine: I'm home right now but i dont
feel like talking to you. leave a message and I'll call when you
don't feel like talking to me. . .

Answering Machines Txt Joke

2008-09-27T01:04:00.000-07:00

Man, i hate those stupid answering machines! They tell you in a
30-second prerecorded speech that i have 10 seconds to talk and i
hear beep in 4 seconds.

Coffee Txt Joke

2008-09-25T21:56:00.001-07:00

Have a good cup of coffee before getting down to the office for
serious work a good 8-hours cup of coffee.

Sleep Txt Joke

2008-09-25T21:55:00.001-07:00

The perfect 24 hours day of office people:
8 hours for sleep
8 hours for work and
8 hours to complain abount too much work and not enough
sleep.

Stress Txt Joke

2008-09-25T21:53:00.000-07:00

Here's a good formula to keep down the office stress: Sleep 8
hours a day and work 8 hours a day--the same 8 hours.

Business Txt Joke

2008-09-25T21:51:00.000-07:00

Start a business teaching people how to successful. You need
the money to be successful, too, right?

Very Successful Txt Joke

2008-09-25T21:24:00.000-07:00

CONGRATS! You're NOT a failure! you're just very successful
in NOT getting what you want!

Success Txt Joke

2008-09-24T20:04:00.000-07:00

There's no such thing as a secret of success. Did you ever know a
successful man who didn't tell you all about it?

PG Txt Joke

2008-09-24T20:03:00.000-07:00

PG before: parents should watch with youngsters so parents can
explain some scense.
PG now: Parent should wtach with youngsters so youngsters
can explain all scense!

GOOD BOOKS Txt Joke

2008-09-24T20:01:00.002-07:00

GOOD BOOKS TO BY
On Levitation - you can never put it down.
On memory improvement - it's titled, ahh...

Happiness Txt Joke

2008-09-24T20:01:00.001-07:00

Some people bring happiness WHEREVER they go,
You bring happiness WHENEVER you go! Alis ka na nga!

Husband and Wife Txt Joke

2008-09-24T19:59:00.000-07:00

Husband: a man who has lost his liberty in the pursuit of happiness.
Wife: A woman who has lost her happiness in the pursuit ofliberty.

Age Txt Joke

2008-09-23T21:53:00.001-07:00

Age is only stage of mind--that's if you have one left.

Old Txt Joke

2008-09-23T21:52:00.004-07:00

Remember, you're as young as you feel. If you dont feel
anything, you're old.

Old Age Txt Joke

2008-09-23T21:52:00.003-07:00

One nice thing about old age--you can whistle while brushing
your teeth.

Ugly Txt Joke

2008-09-23T21:52:00.001-07:00

Can you beat my friend? He was so ugly when he was born,
the doctor slapped his mother.

Underarm Txt Joke

2008-09-23T21:50:00.000-07:00

Sa sobrang init ngayon, pati yung mga damit ko sa closet,
nagkaroon ng underarm stains...yukkk!!!

Gossip Txt Joke

2008-09-22T19:50:00.000-07:00

GOSSIP: When you hear something you like about something you
don't.

Mayor's Txt Joke

2008-09-22T19:48:00.000-07:00

Malapit na ang elections. Does the sign to your mayor's office say
GO DOWN THIS CORRIDOR AND UNDER THE TABLE?
Does his door have an opening for night deposits?

Brilliant Txt Joke

2008-09-22T19:47:00.001-07:00

BRILLIANT ka ba? It's when you know which half to believe.

Smart Txt Joke

2008-09-22T19:46:00.000-07:00

SMART ka ba? That's is when you believe in only
half of what you hear.

Shoes Txt Joke

2008-09-22T19:34:00.000-07:00

Youre REALLY dumb when...you loose your shoes because you
put them in the wrong feet, and you can't remember whose feet
you put them on.

Txt Quote

2008-09-21T21:30:00.000-07:00

Sleep tight, so you'll be refreshed, rejuvenated and revitalized...
for another good night's sleep tomorrow. Good Pm!

Marriage Txt Joke

2008-09-21T21:29:00.000-07:00

Falling in love is like buying a new car. Marriage is the first scratch.

Snakfast Txt Joke

2008-09-21T21:28:00.000-07:00

If a meal between breakfast and lunch is brunch, then what is a meal
at round 3AM? A midnight sneakfast?

Coffee Txt Joke

2008-09-21T21:24:00.000-07:00

Do your eyes hurt after you dring coffee in the morning?
then takethe spoon out of the cup, bobo!

Aso Txt Joke

2008-09-21T20:55:00.000-07:00

Okey talaga ang aso ko! He is so smart that when you went to obedience school,
I was the one on the leash.

Smoker Txt Joke

2008-09-19T22:00:00.001-07:00

Are you a heavy smoker? Then smoke in moderation--one cigaretteat a
time, okay?

Thin Txt Joke

2008-09-19T21:58:00.000-07:00

HOW TO LOOK THIN hang out with fat people.
eat onion and garlic--people will avoid you so you look thinner from afar.
Be a light eater--eat as soon as it's light.

Doctor Txt Joke

2008-09-19T21:54:00.000-07:00

If you want to know the positive results of all your visits to your doctor,
then go visits his garage.

Health Txt Joke

2008-09-19T21:53:00.000-07:00

If you've got your health, you've got everything.
And if you dontn have your health, sooner or later your
doctor has everything!

stupid Txt Joke

2008-09-19T21:51:00.000-07:00

It's better to be heathly than wise. if you're sick,
it costs you money, but if your stupid it's all free.

Young Txt Joke

2008-09-17T23:20:00.004-07:00

Secret of staying young: live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about
your age.

Cool Txtjoke

2008-09-17T23:20:00.003-07:00

When i tell a lie my palms get sweaty.
When i tell the truth..are your palms getting sweaty?

Book TxtJoke

2008-09-17T23:20:00.002-07:00

Hey i just wrote a book, please look for it at National! Look for
the title THE TEN GREATEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD AND MY VIEWS
ON THE OTHER NINE.

Egoist's Txt Joke

2008-09-17T23:20:00.001-07:00

The Egoist's way os spelling his or her name: capitalizes the first
two letters.

Egoist's Txtjoke

2008-09-17T23:20:00.000-07:00

The Egoist's prayer: Dear God, do you need anyting?

Cole's Law Txt Joke

2008-09-16T19:52:00.001-07:00

Cole's Law---thinly sliced cabbage.

Teacher Txt Joke

2008-09-16T19:51:00.002-07:00

If at first you don't succeed, blame it on the teacher.

Wood Txt Joke

2008-09-16T19:51:00.001-07:00

The two kind of wood that make a match: He would and
she would."

Family Joke

2008-09-16T19:49:00.002-07:00

The family thats prays together...siguro may namatayan sa kanila.

Family Txt Joke

2008-09-16T19:49:00.001-07:00

The family that eats together...gets fat!

Elepant Txt Joke

2008-09-15T21:26:00.000-07:00

They say an elepant never forgets, but what's he got to
remember?

College Txt Joke

2008-09-15T21:25:00.000-07:00

College: Where nonconformists conform to the prevailing
standard of nonconformity.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY Txt Joke

2008-09-15T21:24:00.000-07:00

THOUGHT FOR TODAY: Always borrow money from a
pessimist. He never expects to be repaid.

Mabaho Txt Joke

2008-09-15T21:23:00.000-07:00

Pray that GOD gives you
a mind free from worry
a heart free from sadness
a soul free from sin
and a body free from
unwanted odor
NALIGO KA NA BA?

Pizza Txt Joke

2008-09-15T21:22:00.000-07:00

You are in trouble with your wieght when you put a couple of
lettuce leaves over a pizza and call it salad.

Txt Joke

2008-09-14T20:36:00.000-07:00

To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.

Ignorance Txt Joke

2008-09-14T20:35:00.001-07:00

If you think education is expensive--try ignorance.

Judge Txt Joke

2008-09-14T20:33:00.000-07:00

Appearing in traffic court is not fun, but the judge always has
a fine time.

Student Driver Txt Joke

2008-09-14T20:31:00.000-07:00

A twelve-car pile up means a student driver signaled for a lefthand
turn and eleven people believed him.

Teacher Txt Joke

2008-09-14T20:29:00.000-07:00

Road sign by school: Go slow--dont kill a child
Scribbling below: Wait for a teacher

Txt Joke 75

2008-09-13T19:28:00.001-07:00

COMMITTEE: Group of people who individually do nothingand collectively
decide nothing can be done.

Txt Joke 74

2008-09-13T19:26:00.002-07:00

MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE: I may not know all your worries andfears but if you need help...INUMAN TAYO, TXT MO LANG AKO!

Txt Joke 73

2008-09-13T19:26:00.001-07:00

MONEYMOON: The brief period between I DO and YOU'D BETTER.

Txt Joke 72

2008-09-13T19:25:00.003-07:00

Wedding Ring: Tourniquet worn on the finger to stopcirculation.

Txt Joke 71

2008-09-13T19:25:00.001-07:00

If you want to find a new way to save money--use your partner's.

Txt Joke 70

2008-09-10T21:01:00.001-07:00

Beauty is only skin deep, But ugly goes all da way to the bones!

Txt Joke 69

2008-09-10T21:00:00.002-07:00

Are you as ugly as my friend? He was so ulgly his
mother used to diaper his face!

Txt Joke 68

2008-09-10T21:00:00.001-07:00

The three types of clothes to wear at the weekend party:
FORMAL, SEMIFORMAL and SWEAT.

Txt Joke 67

2008-09-10T20:59:00.001-07:00

URGENT MESSAGE: One out of every three people is mentallyretarded.
Now if you're two good friends are okay...

Txt Joke 66

2008-09-10T20:57:00.000-07:00

You can always tell an egotist, but unfortunately you can't tell him
much.

Txt Quote 2

2008-09-09T22:35:00.002-07:00

To my problematic friend: laughter is the best medicine,
so...ay,teka might get sued for practicing without a license!

Txt Quote 1

2008-09-09T22:35:00.001-07:00

Always try to keep a smile on your face...because it look silly on the parts of your body.

Dirty Txt Joke 15

2008-09-09T22:34:00.001-07:00

Guy 1: Ang haba ng hair ng gf ko kaya long sleeves ang suotniya.
Guy 2: Wala naman epek yun ah.
Guy 1: anong wala? ang haba na nga ng buhok niya sa kili-kili!